Don't Push Me...
The old push-pop commercial was a kid getting pushed by a bully and then saying to him, "Don't push me, push a Push-Pop!" Was this supposed to thwart off the bully? The bully just thinks to himself, "Well, I could continue to mess with this kid until I get all his money...but the temptation of a frozen fruity desert is too much to pass up."
Lunchables. When I was a kid, I adored them. I looked forward to them, I enjoyed eating them, they were very much a source of happiness for me. Whenever I needed someone to tuck me in at night, I took out a Lunchable and opened it up, and spilled out all three of the main foods, and then they would grab my blanket and tuck me in. Lunchables were my mother, father, sister, and brother, all rolled up into one fun meal, divided into Ritz crackers (regular), a stack of 90 degree-angle cheese (presumably cheddar), and roundly-cut meat slices.
Not until recently did I figure out that Lunchables are the worst fucking lunch on the face of the not bite-sized Milky Way galaxy. The roundabout meat slices are doused in water, as though one of the stops on the Lunchable conveyor belt was a hose-down process of the meat.
"And this here is our hose-down meat slice station. Hope you like your meat slices hosed-down with water, Mr. Supervisor."
"Actually, Gene, I love it!"
Were it not for the fun-sized (so-called) Snickers, the Lunchable company would be out of business faster than you can say "Uncrustables."